And when I previously blogged about my daughter I was told that she would be the lucky one to have me and Sowmya as parents…kept me pondering for a while about this, then as always the case with me *bulb glows in my head* “WE ARE THE LUCKY ONES!!!” and the reigning logic behind this? We are free to choose so many things in our life, our jobs, our friends, our love, our career, our priorities and an unending list of whatever the human ego may think of conquering; but you can never choose the children you want to have! They choose you is what I’ve begun to believe…and so it shall be…always…we are blessed to have Amritha around! (-:
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2 Years of Daddy-ism!! (-:
24 Apr2:47 PM, May 7th, 2010…tensed emotions…slowly the door opens, the doctor calls for the first time – “The Father” and I’m already breaking down…the nurse holds her up and the doctor says – “You have a girl…” The first thing I do holding back my emotions, I say the Almighty’s name in her ears…blessing her and feeling blessed…she is kicking about, feeling uncomfortable, losing the warmth of the embryo…Amritha! Amritha! I keep saying to myself…rush to my wife; she is still under anaesthetic effects, grip her hands…words don’t escape us, but we understand each other perfectly well; a kiss on her forehead, and the gynaecologist chases me out…spend a few very joyous moments with my brother and father…secretly we know amma has returned!! I’m rushing behind the nurse with my daughter who gives her a wash, puts a small tag on her hand with “B/O Sowmya”…my wait extends a bit longer as she carries the baby to the ward where her mother is waiting…then a moment everyone waits for…Amritha is handed over to me…it doesn’t matter if you’ve held a baby or not your entire life, at that moment you will; like a pre-programmed mechanism you will gently nurse the baby in your arms…and secretly a tear escapes me…
This entire sequence of events I have been closing my eyes and playing everyday since that wonderful day; just so that I don’t forget the amazing feeling of becoming a father…such powerful, strong emotions…even now as I blog about it…every father will know and connect to this…if I could freeze time that one moment when the doctor said – “The father”, and I see Amritha!!! These are the moments, events that make up life…give meaning to everything that you’ve put into life, a purpose to everything that you’ve put into life…
Amritha will be two years old in a short time from now; time puts forth its very fundamental lesson – “I don’t wait for anyone or anything”
I try to keep reminding myself of the times when the nappies were changed at night, of the cries, of the first times she experienced everything – of her first winter, of her first summer, of her first fall, of her first syllables, her first laughs, of her first smiles, her first steps…her first attempts at calling me “Appa” and Sowmya, “Amma”…every moment has been a magical one…Babies, children always manage to do that…with all their innocence and unconditional love, they make you feel blessed…
Now she speaks fluently, conveys things, has her perspective of things, leaves me surprised at times with the things she does and sometimes doesn’t…she’ll suddenly come running hold both my legs, hug me tight…asks me to carry her and hugs me tight and says Appa, pats me on the cheeks and smiles…sometimes there’s a wave of emotions gushing down…” so much love?”, i ask myself…there just needs to be a fraction of this love in all of us, the world will be a much better place…
There are over a thousand photos of her, a sizeable amount of video footage and a few audio clips…what is missing is an emotion recorded…where I can record mine and show them to Amritha…how lucky me and Sowmya are to have we…God bless Amritha, God bless all…
The happiest and saddest moments of my life…
27 FebSome situations in life are entirely glum while a multitudinous of them are happy and to be cherished…the joyous ones make your life worth while, the sorrowful ones offer you strength and valuable lessons to remember for the rest of the journey…I have been through some of the most ecstatic ones and through some very traumatic moments…
The Down in the dumps moment:
- 13th June, 2000 – Evening at around 5:30 PM – Returned from the hospital where my mother was fighting off cancer; it was the medication that was having dreaded effects on her body…the chemotherapy had brought down the white blood cell count and resulted in septicemia…praying that this goes well, returned home and called up dad who was at the hospital, the reply – “The story of your mother is over…” CRASH! even now I don’t find words to express the moment…I guess I never will…me and my brother clung onto each other for a long time after hearing that…that i believe is the borderline for the saddest moment of my life…
Time has been a forbearing healer…the times immediately after that were like vacuum; life in its entirety had been sucked out…only one thought kept me pushing along and getting better – “My mom would have never liked to see the three of us – meaning my dad, my brother and myself – sad and depressed like this…” With this in my mind i tried to make sense of life and its complexity…am still trying to…it has been 10 years since this and when I look at old photographs I long to spend a few seconds with her…
Now the ecstatic ones…being a part of the wonderful family that I was born into, makes me ever happy…ever grateful to have a wonderful dad who I will always look up to, a warm loving brother that i can always count on…that apart there have been celebratory instances…
- February 1, 2006 – Me: “I love you!! Will you marry me!!”, and Sowmya: “What??” and then the acceptance; my feelings leapt like a kid being given every toy in the world!! She still makes me weak in the knees!!
- May 7, 2010 – Nervous and sweating/ pacing the corridors of the hospital like a mad man…then the doctor shows up…who’s the “Father”…impatiently I answer…”Congratulations! You have a baby girl!!”…emotions give you a kick in the gut sometimes and take control of you…this was one such moment…the instant I saw her, the happiness was immense! Bundle of joy – nothing better to describe her…”Amritha” she was…just like my mother…
Everything else in my life is just in between these two extreme ends…and forever they will be…
God bless…
