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If you’re reading this, you are lucky!

14 Mar

I’m a lucky guy! So are you if you’re reading this!

Economic recession? Wallet’s tight? Putting in those extra hours for that extra “bling”? Higher interest rates? Boss putting an insane amount of pressure on your head? Feel like you have nothing left? You’re done?

Well if you’re reading this, then none of the above are actually an existential crisis for you. You reading this means – you have a computer/ laptop/ phone, a working Internet connection, electricity, you’ve had a meal already and positively a roof over your head. Also like me you have a lovely family, some great buddies and people who support you.

For numerous folk these are fairy tale scene. Getting a glass of fresh water to drink is a blessing for people in drought stricken regions, a morsel of clean food, a gift for a populace in the famine ravaged regions of the world. For others in war ravaged regions, home is but two stilts acting as a support for a sheet of plastic. This just puts our position in a diametrically opposite perspective where our lives are secure, warm and all fuzzy. Now, it would only seem apt to be overly satisfied with what we have and how much we have. Privilege is what we have in the face of the adversity the world is facing everyday.

In the ever growing age of desire, marketing, advertising and peer pressure, we give in to it! Everyone is after the next “IT” thing! And this we reflect sometimes on our children.

There are a couple of things I’m currently working on, one of them would be to simplify life; take out all the unnecessary, don’t let in this stuff in my life again. Appreciate all that I have material and otherwise, with latter being the more important of the two! A deeply caring and loving family I can always fall back on.

Another, to pass this on to my daughter.I’m having a growing daughter at home, making things difficult by wasting water, food etc. These are the moments forbearing on a parent. It sometimes cannot be ignored simply because the child starts throwing tantrums; it is then with utmost restraint we need to teach them, explain it to them how fortunate enough we are to have things which a vast section of mankind doesn’t know if such a thing were to exist.

There are simple things I try to appreciate; a sunrise, the early morning sounds of birds, my daughter’s calling. Simplify.

Newton said “Nature is pleased with simplicity.” But then Da Vinci comes a close second to mind, “Simplicity is the ultimate sophistication.”

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2 Years of Daddy-ism!! (-:

24 Apr

2:47 PM, May 7th, 2010…tensed emotions…slowly the door opens, the doctor calls for the first time – “The Father” and I’m already breaking down…the nurse holds her up and the doctor says – “You have a girl…” The first thing I do holding back my emotions, I say the Almighty’s name in her ears…blessing her and feeling blessed…she is kicking about, feeling uncomfortable, losing the warmth of the embryo…Amritha! Amritha! I keep saying to myself…rush to my wife; she is still under anaesthetic effects, grip her hands…words don’t escape us, but we understand each other perfectly well; a kiss on her forehead, and the gynaecologist chases me out…spend a few very joyous moments with my brother and father…secretly we know amma has returned!! I’m rushing behind the nurse with my daughter who gives her a wash, puts a small tag on her hand with “B/O Sowmya”…my wait extends a bit longer as she carries the baby to the ward where her mother is waiting…then a moment everyone waits for…Amritha is handed over to me…it doesn’t matter if you’ve held a baby or not your entire life, at that moment you will; like a pre-programmed mechanism you will gently nurse the baby in your arms…and secretly a tear escapes me…

This entire sequence of events I have been closing my eyes and playing everyday since that wonderful day; just so that I don’t forget the amazing feeling of becoming a father…such powerful, strong emotions…even now as I blog about it…every father will know and connect to this…if I could freeze time that one moment when the doctor said – “The father”, and I see Amritha!!! These are the moments, events that make up life…give meaning to everything that you’ve put into life, a purpose to everything that you’ve put into life…

Amritha will be two years old in a short time from now; time puts forth its very fundamental lesson – “I don’t wait for anyone or anything”

I try to keep reminding myself of the times when the nappies were changed at night, of the cries, of the first times she experienced everything – of her first winter, of her first summer, of her first fall, of her first syllables, her first laughs, of her first smiles, her first steps…her first attempts at calling me “Appa” and Sowmya, “Amma”…every moment has been a magical one…Babies, children always manage to do that…with all their innocence and unconditional love, they make you feel blessed…

Now she speaks fluently, conveys things, has her perspective of things, leaves me surprised at times with the things she does and sometimes doesn’t…she’ll suddenly come running hold both my legs, hug me tight…asks me to carry her and hugs me tight and says Appa, pats me on the cheeks and smiles…sometimes there’s a wave of emotions gushing down…” so much love?”, i ask myself…there just needs to be a fraction of this love in all of us, the world will be a much better place…

There are over a thousand photos of her, a sizeable amount of video footage and a few audio clips…what is missing is an emotion recorded…where I can record mine and show them to Amritha…how lucky me and Sowmya are to have we…God bless Amritha, God bless all…

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Unfolding of a father – daughter relationship

8 Aug

This i blog as i sit beside my daughter, who is sleeping for a while now at ease and at peace; it’s been over a year since she entered our lives and changed it for the better and for the rest of our lives. Every day since the day she was born, I have been thanking my good fortune for her arrival. Blessed are we to have a daughter like her and i know there couldn’t be one better – this i have realized the day she was born and this i will remember forever.

In a year she has taught me a thing too many; first and foremost patience and that too lots of it. There are certain things that need to go at their own pace and she will be one of them; there’s no point rushing with it and flowing with her pace will only make the journey all the more enjoyable. The times that she is unwell, the times that she is disturbed, all that she demands is tender loving care and nothing material. In our journey of life, as we grow older we lose this innocence and our desires turn materialistic when all that we are basically looking for is forgotten – love. She has taught me that and for reasons like this i am thankful for having a baby. She won’t need anything, just needs me to carry her sing her a song or two and she will be in pure bliss. Our lives have been way too complicated when compared to this; it’s never so simple, it’s always the next best thing in the market that we are looking for – also the case with me…slowly i see this changing and i know its for good…

When i first carried her over a year ago the joy was inexpressible, a joy only a father can have…it’s a relationship like no other; it has a divine touch and she’s as good as any angel can be…every time her tiny hands reach out for me, every time there is a voice calling out for me, it’s as though a special blessing has been granted on me…all those nights when she cries out of pain and discomfort and you put her to sleep, you will find the most innocent, most delicate pairs of hands yearning for you…

Now that she has begun calling me “Appa” its all the more better; it’s one of the first things i get to hear every morning and that pretty much makes my day…she loves licking some coffee off my cup everyday morning and i in return get a hug and a kiss from her; that is all i want…what i experience every moment of this is pure, innocent, unquestioning love; isn’t that what we all finally crave for, what the heart wants? She lights up every day of mine when i return from work…she and my wife smiling and waiting for me and no matter how tough the day has been, this sight offers me redemption from that…

From deep within my heart i hope these are just beginnings to a new journey; i have savored every moment of life’s journey my dad, my mom, my brother, my friends, my wife they have all been wonderful ingredients in the dish life dished out and my daughter now is that wonderful seasoning adding extra flavor and zing to it!

Amritha just so that you know when you read this, i am so much blessed to have you as a part of me, your love is here for all to see…

God bless!

Friends are like wine!

11 May

Unlike the “Follow” and “Forget” on #Twitter, “Add as friend” and “Remove (without his/her knowledge)” on #Facebook, friends are like wine, and truly so better; with time making the relationship tastier and expensive(to let go of).

In the recent past i have been terrible at keeping in touch with old friends, reaching out to them and multitude of them will attest this. I really do want to reach out to them, keep in touch with them, say the occasional “Hi! How are you?” thing with a beaming smile. Sure, everyone says this, but i truly would like to. This because it opens new vistas in life, strengthens relationships, builds a strong human bond between people and like wine nevertheless gives you a new high! It is a testimony to the wondrous humanity. In the end it makes you feel a better person.

Facebook and Twitter to a large extent have been my close aides in this wine tasting binge! Getting me some of my best buddies who go back 15 years. Hell! i don’t even remember some faces now. But it is a really good feeling that you get when you find them. Have personally made it a point to wish everyone on his/ her birthday and ask a tiny little “Hi! Howdy?” thing.

Around 12-15 years ago i do remember doing this exchange trip with some of my school buddies to Manipal (Karnataka, India). I stayed at a Doctor’s place; coming to think of it i don’t seem to recollect their name too and i feel miserable for this. However, i do remember that their son was of my age – Swaroop. we did visit a couple of schools during that time and spent around half a day in each of them, but made friends who i will remember for till my gray matter allows me to do so. We all did keep in touch for a year or two, exchanging greetings for festive occasions, birthdays etc. but Life has this hard task of getting you busy in its own scheme of things and forbade us to speak to each other. All those wonderful relationships were snapped. I for one am desperately trying to get these people on Facebook/ Twitter and hope to do so one day.

Here is a mathematical set theory illustration of the Friend and Wine analogy…

The Intersection of Friend Set and Wine Set

This apart some friends whom i constantly keep touch with make my life easier; having fun, lending an ear to my troubles and giving me the comforting feeling that these are people whom i can count on, who will be there for me and that is a wondrous feeling.

That said, I am not going to go back and hunt down each of my classmates, batch mates, but there are people i have met who have left me fascinated, amazed, happy and i have this deep desire to re-connect with them. And i am guessing that they are going to feel good on doing so to. Just looking around (the web) and the numerous means it has to bring people closer, I am excited that there is going to be a dozen or so ways to find friends and gel up with them. The association should not necessarily be about expensive gifts or some such thing; it can be about small things, the one’s that really matter – sharing memories, ideas, thoughts and love?

God bless…

The happiest and saddest moments of my life…

27 Feb

Some situations in life are entirely glum while a multitudinous of them are happy and to be cherished…the joyous ones make your life worth while, the sorrowful ones offer you strength and valuable lessons to remember for the rest of the journey…I have been through some of the most ecstatic ones and through some very traumatic moments…

The Down in the dumps moment:

  • 13th June, 2000 – Evening at around 5:30 PM – Returned from the hospital where my mother was fighting off cancer; it was the medication that was having dreaded effects on her body…the chemotherapy had brought down the white blood cell count and resulted in septicemia…praying that this goes well, returned home and called up dad who was at the hospital, the reply – “The story of your mother is over…” CRASH! even now I don’t find words to express the moment…I guess I never will…me and my brother clung onto each other for a long time after hearing that…that i believe is the borderline for the saddest moment of my life…

Time has been a forbearing healer…the times immediately after that were like vacuum; life in its entirety had been sucked out…only one thought kept me pushing along and getting better – “My mom would have never liked to see the three of us – meaning my dad, my brother and myself – sad and depressed like this…” With this in my mind i tried to make sense of life and its complexity…am still trying to…it has been 10 years since this and when I look at old photographs I long to spend a few seconds with her…

Now the ecstatic ones…being a part of the wonderful family that I was born into, makes me ever happy…ever grateful to have a wonderful dad who I will always look up to, a warm loving brother that i can always count on…that apart there have been celebratory instances…

  • February 1, 2006 – Me: “I love you!! Will you marry me!!”, and Sowmya: “What??” and then the acceptance; my feelings leapt like a kid being given every toy in the world!! She still makes me weak in the knees!!
  • May 7, 2010 – Nervous and sweating/ pacing the corridors of the hospital like a mad man…then the doctor shows up…who’s the “Father”…impatiently I answer…”Congratulations! You have a baby girl!!”…emotions give you a kick in the gut sometimes and take control of you…this was one such moment…the instant I saw her, the happiness was immense! Bundle of joy – nothing better to describe her…”Amritha” she was…just like my mother…

Everything else in my life is just in between these two extreme ends…and forever they will be…

God bless…

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