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The last flight! The first beginnings!

16 Mar

A couple of days ago, I happened to chance upon a butterfly inside our home late in the evening. It was nothing spectacular or lavishly colourful, but a normal brown coloured one.

Butterflies aren’t a common sight very late in the evening. As it is, I was a little surprised to notice one. Like they always do, this one too was fluttering about carelessly pausing momentarily at places where it wished to. A couple of minutes later it did this wonderful flitting in a zig zag pattern and in an instant stopped and fell. Before I could notice and go near it, it was dead, its dance put to an end.

At that moment it struck me, why not live our lives like this, like this butterfly? Keep the dance going till the very end instead of turning sour and grumpy? By the dance, I do not mean or say it in the literal sense, but the dance inside us, the energy inside us, that can last till we breathe our very last. At certain moments we feel this sudden burst of energy, the spirit that keeps us on and up for a few moments; we need to make “this” last and that will make life worth while, not for ourselves alone, but for people around us too.

Once our part is played, nothing remains except a few memories of us with our cherished ones. And when that is all that remains, we need to be definitely sure that its worth its weight in gold, that they are beautiful memories. They will remain as souvenirs, which will be reminisced by the ones whom we love.

The last flight of the butterfly has been the first beginnings for me to understand life differently!

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Image Courtesy: Chandan Karkera

If you’re reading this, you are lucky!

14 Mar

I’m a lucky guy! So are you if you’re reading this!

Economic recession? Wallet’s tight? Putting in those extra hours for that extra “bling”? Higher interest rates? Boss putting an insane amount of pressure on your head? Feel like you have nothing left? You’re done?

Well if you’re reading this, then none of the above are actually an existential crisis for you. You reading this means – you have a computer/ laptop/ phone, a working Internet connection, electricity, you’ve had a meal already and positively a roof over your head. Also like me you have a lovely family, some great buddies and people who support you.

For numerous folk these are fairy tale scene. Getting a glass of fresh water to drink is a blessing for people in drought stricken regions, a morsel of clean food, a gift for a populace in the famine ravaged regions of the world. For others in war ravaged regions, home is but two stilts acting as a support for a sheet of plastic. This just puts our position in a diametrically opposite perspective where our lives are secure, warm and all fuzzy. Now, it would only seem apt to be overly satisfied with what we have and how much we have. Privilege is what we have in the face of the adversity the world is facing everyday.

In the ever growing age of desire, marketing, advertising and peer pressure, we give in to it! Everyone is after the next “IT” thing! And this we reflect sometimes on our children.

There are a couple of things I’m currently working on, one of them would be to simplify life; take out all the unnecessary, don’t let in this stuff in my life again. Appreciate all that I have material and otherwise, with latter being the more important of the two! A deeply caring and loving family I can always fall back on.

Another, to pass this on to my daughter.I’m having a growing daughter at home, making things difficult by wasting water, food etc. These are the moments forbearing on a parent. It sometimes cannot be ignored simply because the child starts throwing tantrums; it is then with utmost restraint we need to teach them, explain it to them how fortunate enough we are to have things which a vast section of mankind doesn’t know if such a thing were to exist.

There are simple things I try to appreciate; a sunrise, the early morning sounds of birds, my daughter’s calling. Simplify.

Newton said “Nature is pleased with simplicity.” But then Da Vinci comes a close second to mind, “Simplicity is the ultimate sophistication.”

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Parents are the lucky ones!

28 May

And when I previously blogged about my daughter I was told that she would be the lucky one to have me and Sowmya as parents…kept me pondering for a while about this, then as always the case with me *bulb glows in my head* “WE ARE THE LUCKY ONES!!!” and the reigning logic behind this? We are free to choose so many things in our life, our jobs, our friends, our love, our career, our priorities and an unending list of whatever the human ego may think of conquering; but you can never choose the children you want to have! They choose you is what I’ve begun to believe…and so it shall be…always…we are blessed to have Amritha around! (-:

2 Years of Daddy-ism!! (-:

24 Apr

2:47 PM, May 7th, 2010…tensed emotions…slowly the door opens, the doctor calls for the first time – “The Father” and I’m already breaking down…the nurse holds her up and the doctor says – “You have a girl…” The first thing I do holding back my emotions, I say the Almighty’s name in her ears…blessing her and feeling blessed…she is kicking about, feeling uncomfortable, losing the warmth of the embryo…Amritha! Amritha! I keep saying to myself…rush to my wife; she is still under anaesthetic effects, grip her hands…words don’t escape us, but we understand each other perfectly well; a kiss on her forehead, and the gynaecologist chases me out…spend a few very joyous moments with my brother and father…secretly we know amma has returned!! I’m rushing behind the nurse with my daughter who gives her a wash, puts a small tag on her hand with “B/O Sowmya”…my wait extends a bit longer as she carries the baby to the ward where her mother is waiting…then a moment everyone waits for…Amritha is handed over to me…it doesn’t matter if you’ve held a baby or not your entire life, at that moment you will; like a pre-programmed mechanism you will gently nurse the baby in your arms…and secretly a tear escapes me…

This entire sequence of events I have been closing my eyes and playing everyday since that wonderful day; just so that I don’t forget the amazing feeling of becoming a father…such powerful, strong emotions…even now as I blog about it…every father will know and connect to this…if I could freeze time that one moment when the doctor said – “The father”, and I see Amritha!!! These are the moments, events that make up life…give meaning to everything that you’ve put into life, a purpose to everything that you’ve put into life…

Amritha will be two years old in a short time from now; time puts forth its very fundamental lesson – “I don’t wait for anyone or anything”

I try to keep reminding myself of the times when the nappies were changed at night, of the cries, of the first times she experienced everything – of her first winter, of her first summer, of her first fall, of her first syllables, her first laughs, of her first smiles, her first steps…her first attempts at calling me “Appa” and Sowmya, “Amma”…every moment has been a magical one…Babies, children always manage to do that…with all their innocence and unconditional love, they make you feel blessed…

Now she speaks fluently, conveys things, has her perspective of things, leaves me surprised at times with the things she does and sometimes doesn’t…she’ll suddenly come running hold both my legs, hug me tight…asks me to carry her and hugs me tight and says Appa, pats me on the cheeks and smiles…sometimes there’s a wave of emotions gushing down…” so much love?”, i ask myself…there just needs to be a fraction of this love in all of us, the world will be a much better place…

There are over a thousand photos of her, a sizeable amount of video footage and a few audio clips…what is missing is an emotion recorded…where I can record mine and show them to Amritha…how lucky me and Sowmya are to have we…God bless Amritha, God bless all…

What a melodious life I’ve had!!!

9 Aug

Decades ago when i was a small child, i used to hear these strange but enthralling sounds which my mother used to say…i could not relate to what they were but was only excited and waited eagerly to hear it time and again…over a period of time the interest grew and the experience has been wonderful…music always is wonderful…it has had a life transforming experience in my case…what started as few la la la’s…turned into a lifetime of learning…there doesn’t seem to be a genre i haven’t tried and not loved…World, Folk, Rock, Pop, Trance, Hip Hop, Grunge, Industrial, Low fi, Down Tempo, House, Dance, Ambient, Reggae, Rap, Gospel, Western Classical, Hindustani Classical, Carnatic, Buddhist Chants, Hindu mantras and Shlokas, Old Hindi Melodies, Hindi Pop, Indi, Blues, Country….every possible genre that was available…although i do listen extensively to various genres of rock, trance and metal…

Music has the power to do extra ordinary things…like the Country Joe and the Fish title “I feel like i’m fixin’ to die”….looks like it had the power to stop the Vietnam massacre…whatever be the negatives of the hippie culture…the music was truly revolutionary…guess no one ever wants to forget the magic created by them…Woodstock was such a wonderful experience…i have the entire CD…moves you to the edge of your seat…makes you emotional…

Music is just like another dimension in my life, which now seems so obscure without it…it has become an integral part, a need, a necessity…the word Music seems to have divine origins…just a millions of other English words derived from foreign languages, this one’s derived from the Greek – mousike – art of muses, muses are Gods and Goddesses of Art forms…and is true and just to its meaning…it seems to be one of the modes of reaching a higher level of realization…there is no need to walk all the way to Greece to understand this…the Vedas speak at length about music…music in these are referred to as marga meaning path in English…path to self realization…

Snap snap!! My daughter loves it too!! I discovered it the day she was born; humming songs to her sometime after she was born…fell asleep…now she can dance to some tunes siting and rocking back and forth….jumping a little and its all so wonderful…

Music has stayed a constant companion through troubled times and sad, through bejeweled times and glad…playing out different parts of a symphony but not necessarily in the allegro, adagio, minuet and  a sonata….these have been sifted, mixed up and thrown about depending on the circumstances but it really did a good deal to me…and so i hope that it continues to dole out some pretty good notes for the rest of my life…

Where should we be? TODAY!!

16 May
Past, Present or Future?
Where??

Being a strong believer and follower of Hindu religion and philosophy, there is a quote which goes this way -

गते शोको न कर्तव्यो भविष्यं नैव चिंतयेत्।

वर्तमानेन कालेन वर्तयंति विचक्षणाः॥

gatey shoko na kartavyo bhavishyam nai-va chintye-`t

vartamaanena kaalena vartayanti vichak-shanaah

Meaning “One should not regret the past; one should not worry about the future. Wise men act by the present time.”

A very famous quote by Buddha treads the very same path – “Do not dwell in the past, do not dream of the future, concentrate the mind on the present moment.”

Numerous other wizened men and women have all referred this, the quintessential being to Live in the Now, not the then nor the when…what then are the past and the future are for? These are thoughts that have been plaguing my mind, why then should they exist and if they do so why then are we so obsessed with it. The human mind as I have come to understand of my own self, is like a logical device – always comparing, always distinguishing, toiling to differentiate and trying to arrive at a logical conclusion, as it is logic that has been so deeply ingrained into us.

Some very common lines that we create and repeat – “Oh! I should have done this the other way!” or “What should I do about this in the future?

What we are essentially doing here is letting go of the now by looking at our past actions and pondering over our future. The end result of this being recalling about how valuable time was lost in the past thinking about it; this becomes an endless chain eating into our lives and slowly draining the joy from it. Life becomes a grinding misery upon continuous cycles of past-future thought.

Slowly but steadily I am trying to reduce this but will take sometime as it is a characteristic that we a re supposedly born with; it is left for us to decide whether we look into the rear view mirror of life and squirm about it or live in the now and enjoy it!

Friends are like wine!

11 May

Unlike the “Follow” and “Forget” on #Twitter, “Add as friend” and “Remove (without his/her knowledge)” on #Facebook, friends are like wine, and truly so better; with time making the relationship tastier and expensive(to let go of).

In the recent past i have been terrible at keeping in touch with old friends, reaching out to them and multitude of them will attest this. I really do want to reach out to them, keep in touch with them, say the occasional “Hi! How are you?” thing with a beaming smile. Sure, everyone says this, but i truly would like to. This because it opens new vistas in life, strengthens relationships, builds a strong human bond between people and like wine nevertheless gives you a new high! It is a testimony to the wondrous humanity. In the end it makes you feel a better person.

Facebook and Twitter to a large extent have been my close aides in this wine tasting binge! Getting me some of my best buddies who go back 15 years. Hell! i don’t even remember some faces now. But it is a really good feeling that you get when you find them. Have personally made it a point to wish everyone on his/ her birthday and ask a tiny little “Hi! Howdy?” thing.

Around 12-15 years ago i do remember doing this exchange trip with some of my school buddies to Manipal (Karnataka, India). I stayed at a Doctor’s place; coming to think of it i don’t seem to recollect their name too and i feel miserable for this. However, i do remember that their son was of my age – Swaroop. we did visit a couple of schools during that time and spent around half a day in each of them, but made friends who i will remember for till my gray matter allows me to do so. We all did keep in touch for a year or two, exchanging greetings for festive occasions, birthdays etc. but Life has this hard task of getting you busy in its own scheme of things and forbade us to speak to each other. All those wonderful relationships were snapped. I for one am desperately trying to get these people on Facebook/ Twitter and hope to do so one day.

Here is a mathematical set theory illustration of the Friend and Wine analogy…

The Intersection of Friend Set and Wine Set

This apart some friends whom i constantly keep touch with make my life easier; having fun, lending an ear to my troubles and giving me the comforting feeling that these are people whom i can count on, who will be there for me and that is a wondrous feeling.

That said, I am not going to go back and hunt down each of my classmates, batch mates, but there are people i have met who have left me fascinated, amazed, happy and i have this deep desire to re-connect with them. And i am guessing that they are going to feel good on doing so to. Just looking around (the web) and the numerous means it has to bring people closer, I am excited that there is going to be a dozen or so ways to find friends and gel up with them. The association should not necessarily be about expensive gifts or some such thing; it can be about small things, the one’s that really matter – sharing memories, ideas, thoughts and love?

God bless…

Anger is a wonderful indicator :)

8 Jun

Is a person close to you getting mad at you frequently? are there sudden outbursts of frustration? chill dont worry…you need to feel secure…it’s because anger is an emotion that you can’t express at everyone…but only at people who you feel will understand, care and love you…every other emotion happiness, sadness can be expressed with anyone on the street but anger is a totally different story altogether…

the next time someone gets angrrr..y be rest assured! :)

God bless…

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