And when I previously blogged about my daughter I was told that she would be the lucky one to have me and Sowmya as parents…kept me pondering for a while about this, then as always the case with me *bulb glows in my head* “WE ARE THE LUCKY ONES!!!” and the reigning logic behind this? We are free to choose so many things in our life, our jobs, our friends, our love, our career, our priorities and an unending list of whatever the human ego may think of conquering; but you can never choose the children you want to have! They choose you is what I’ve begun to believe…and so it shall be…always…we are blessed to have Amritha around! (-:
2 Years of Daddy-ism!! (-:
24 Apr2:47 PM, May 7th, 2010…tensed emotions…slowly the door opens, the doctor calls for the first time – “The Father” and I’m already breaking down…the nurse holds her up and the doctor says – “You have a girl…” The first thing I do holding back my emotions, I say the Almighty’s name in her ears…blessing her and feeling blessed…she is kicking about, feeling uncomfortable, losing the warmth of the embryo…Amritha! Amritha! I keep saying to myself…rush to my wife; she is still under anaesthetic effects, grip her hands…words don’t escape us, but we understand each other perfectly well; a kiss on her forehead, and the gynaecologist chases me out…spend a few very joyous moments with my brother and father…secretly we know amma has returned!! I’m rushing behind the nurse with my daughter who gives her a wash, puts a small tag on her hand with “B/O Sowmya”…my wait extends a bit longer as she carries the baby to the ward where her mother is waiting…then a moment everyone waits for…Amritha is handed over to me…it doesn’t matter if you’ve held a baby or not your entire life, at that moment you will; like a pre-programmed mechanism you will gently nurse the baby in your arms…and secretly a tear escapes me…
This entire sequence of events I have been closing my eyes and playing everyday since that wonderful day; just so that I don’t forget the amazing feeling of becoming a father…such powerful, strong emotions…even now as I blog about it…every father will know and connect to this…if I could freeze time that one moment when the doctor said – “The father”, and I see Amritha!!! These are the moments, events that make up life…give meaning to everything that you’ve put into life, a purpose to everything that you’ve put into life…
Amritha will be two years old in a short time from now; time puts forth its very fundamental lesson – “I don’t wait for anyone or anything”
I try to keep reminding myself of the times when the nappies were changed at night, of the cries, of the first times she experienced everything – of her first winter, of her first summer, of her first fall, of her first syllables, her first laughs, of her first smiles, her first steps…her first attempts at calling me “Appa” and Sowmya, “Amma”…every moment has been a magical one…Babies, children always manage to do that…with all their innocence and unconditional love, they make you feel blessed…
Now she speaks fluently, conveys things, has her perspective of things, leaves me surprised at times with the things she does and sometimes doesn’t…she’ll suddenly come running hold both my legs, hug me tight…asks me to carry her and hugs me tight and says Appa, pats me on the cheeks and smiles…sometimes there’s a wave of emotions gushing down…” so much love?”, i ask myself…there just needs to be a fraction of this love in all of us, the world will be a much better place…
There are over a thousand photos of her, a sizeable amount of video footage and a few audio clips…what is missing is an emotion recorded…where I can record mine and show them to Amritha…how lucky me and Sowmya are to have we…God bless Amritha, God bless all…
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random thoughts
22 AprCloudy morning after many sunny, hot ones…cloudy thoughts…a cup of tea to try and clear them up…
Quintessential thoughts run up my mind:
- why “sleep”?
- is “sleep” the real sleep, or is being awake the real “sleep”?
- does “sleep” as in dictionary terms merely refer to a physical state? what about the state of the mind? while we awake, we still are asleep to the million unforgiving things happening around us…
Some primal questions we have failed to understand; then another though streams by – channel surfing and watching the “2012″ movie for a few minutes; cannot help but wonder when there are such primal things which we have not been able to unravel, we try to fathom the end of world, the universe. Civilizations that have predicted this to be so have not been able to foresee the downfall of their own civilizations…yet we try to reason why things will happen as we think them to be…
Yet another thought channels by, why struggle to create order around us? Why fight to bring things under control? We humans are, but an arrogant subset of species trying to bring about an order to everything we put our minds to, while within ourselves we wage a war against the many myriad of emotions – of wants, of desires, of love and of hate; yet we ignorantly go about trying to bring entropy outside of us…how long will this last? just like the Zen master’s tea-cup story - how long can you keep pouring tea into a cup without drinking from it and still expect the table to be clean? all this over a cup of tea…
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Tags: #emotions, #goodmorning, #life, #random, #zen
The Dewarists – Episode 1 – Minds Without Fear: Imogen Heap feat. Vishal and Shekar
27 NovOh yes! When you throw in a mix of Rabindra’da, the Deserts of Rajasthan, the poignant Samode Palace, the soul stirring Imogen Heap and the Dhols of the illustrious music duo of Vishal and Shekar, your Mind will be without fear…an impatient wait from last year when the word about The Dewarists was doing rounds, little was left to my imagination that it would turn out to be such a musical feast. With the first episode out, sadly caught only on Youtube, the end left me in a state of musical trance of “Naseebaa”. With Imogen Heap crooning “Tham ja, Mudh ja Naseeba”, leaving a chilling effect on you giving you goosebumps.
The track as mentioned by Vishal, clearly draws inspiration from Rabindrada’s “Where The Mind Is Without Fear“. The poem in a particular verse references to a desert – “Into the dreary desert sand of dead habit”. This scores a bulls eye for the track being recorded in the same. No place better than our own backyard – The Thar. Wave upon wave of endless sand, the elegiac Samode Palace bearing witness to a conjuring by some of the best musical talent there is. The eclectic mix is a testament to the age-old aphorism “Music knows no boundaries”.
Clearly from the word go, the track begins with the plucking of a stringed instrument and takes us to wonderland when “Naseeba” plays out. The multi layered percussion Dhin Dhin Tak sequence has been created using traditional music instruments and who would guess the Ghungroo which is like icing on the cake. All this keeping western instruments at bay. Such is the enthralling power of folk music; we need to give back to it every single dime!
Imogen’s voice gives it an other-worldly dimension and with the mix of Hindi thrown in the track is alluring. There is a pause coming in at 2:37 and that is probably the highlight of the track; keeping the hair at the back of your neck standing, not knowing what to expect and then again you are taken out of this world and given a taste of the divine. The hypnotic Jhi Jhi Re, Jhi Jhi Re chant does only but better the track.
The passion that has gone into creating this euphonious piece is evident in all aspects ranging from getting the sounds of instruments to Imogen belting out tunes in Hindi to the technical aspects like production, mixing and delivering the final art form. More than a track this heady mix of Imogen, Vishal, Shekar and Papular Band can be an event that will stand witness to the strong cultural roots of music that has prevailed in our folk art form.
For a long time to come Minds Without Fear, you will be on repeat mode in my playlist! (-:
Here it is…
Tags: ImogenHeap, India, IndianFolkMusic, Love, Music, Peace, Rajasthan, Samode, ShekarRavjiani, StarWorld, TheDewarists, VishalDadlani
What a melodious life I’ve had!!!
9 AugDecades ago when i was a small child, i used to hear these strange but enthralling sounds which my mother used to say…i could not relate to what they were but was only excited and waited eagerly to hear it time and again…over a period of time the interest grew and the experience has been wonderful…music always is wonderful…it has had a life transforming experience in my case…what started as few la la la’s…turned into a lifetime of learning…there doesn’t seem to be a genre i haven’t tried and not loved…World, Folk, Rock, Pop, Trance, Hip Hop, Grunge, Industrial, Low fi, Down Tempo, House, Dance, Ambient, Reggae, Rap, Gospel, Western Classical, Hindustani Classical, Carnatic, Buddhist Chants, Hindu mantras and Shlokas, Old Hindi Melodies, Hindi Pop, Indi, Blues, Country….every possible genre that was available…although i do listen extensively to various genres of rock, trance and metal…
Music has the power to do extra ordinary things…like the Country Joe and the Fish title “I feel like i’m fixin’ to die”….looks like it had the power to stop the Vietnam massacre…whatever be the negatives of the hippie culture…the music was truly revolutionary…guess no one ever wants to forget the magic created by them…Woodstock was such a wonderful experience…i have the entire CD…moves you to the edge of your seat…makes you emotional…
Music is just like another dimension in my life, which now seems so obscure without it…it has become an integral part, a need, a necessity…the word Music seems to have divine origins…just a millions of other English words derived from foreign languages, this one’s derived from the Greek – mousike – art of muses, muses are Gods and Goddesses of Art forms…and is true and just to its meaning…it seems to be one of the modes of reaching a higher level of realization…there is no need to walk all the way to Greece to understand this…the Vedas speak at length about music…music in these are referred to as marga meaning path in English…path to self realization…
Snap snap!! My daughter loves it too!! I discovered it the day she was born; humming songs to her sometime after she was born…fell asleep…now she can dance to some tunes siting and rocking back and forth….jumping a little and its all so wonderful…
Music has stayed a constant companion through troubled times and sad, through bejeweled times and glad…playing out different parts of a symphony but not necessarily in the allegro, adagio, minuet and a sonata….these have been sifted, mixed up and thrown about depending on the circumstances but it really did a good deal to me…and so i hope that it continues to dole out some pretty good notes for the rest of my life…
Unfolding of a father – daughter relationship
8 AugThis i blog as i sit beside my daughter, who is sleeping for a while now at ease and at peace; it’s been over a year since she entered our lives and changed it for the better and for the rest of our lives. Every day since the day she was born, I have been thanking my good fortune for her arrival. Blessed are we to have a daughter like her and i know there couldn’t be one better – this i have realized the day she was born and this i will remember forever.
In a year she has taught me a thing too many; first and foremost patience and that too lots of it. There are certain things that need to go at their own pace and she will be one of them; there’s no point rushing with it and flowing with her pace will only make the journey all the more enjoyable. The times that she is unwell, the times that she is disturbed, all that she demands is tender loving care and nothing material. In our journey of life, as we grow older we lose this innocence and our desires turn materialistic when all that we are basically looking for is forgotten – love. She has taught me that and for reasons like this i am thankful for having a baby. She won’t need anything, just needs me to carry her sing her a song or two and she will be in pure bliss. Our lives have been way too complicated when compared to this; it’s never so simple, it’s always the next best thing in the market that we are looking for – also the case with me…slowly i see this changing and i know its for good…
When i first carried her over a year ago the joy was inexpressible, a joy only a father can have…it’s a relationship like no other; it has a divine touch and she’s as good as any angel can be…every time her tiny hands reach out for me, every time there is a voice calling out for me, it’s as though a special blessing has been granted on me…all those nights when she cries out of pain and discomfort and you put her to sleep, you will find the most innocent, most delicate pairs of hands yearning for you…
Now that she has begun calling me “Appa” its all the more better; it’s one of the first things i get to hear every morning and that pretty much makes my day…she loves licking some coffee off my cup everyday morning and i in return get a hug and a kiss from her; that is all i want…what i experience every moment of this is pure, innocent, unquestioning love; isn’t that what we all finally crave for, what the heart wants? She lights up every day of mine when i return from work…she and my wife smiling and waiting for me and no matter how tough the day has been, this sight offers me redemption from that…
From deep within my heart i hope these are just beginnings to a new journey; i have savored every moment of life’s journey my dad, my mom, my brother, my friends, my wife they have all been wonderful ingredients in the dish life dished out and my daughter now is that wonderful seasoning adding extra flavor and zing to it!
Amritha just so that you know when you read this, i am so much blessed to have you as a part of me, your love is here for all to see…
God bless!
Where should we be? TODAY!!
16 May
- Where??
Being a strong believer and follower of Hindu religion and philosophy, there is a quote which goes this way -
गते शोको न कर्तव्यो भविष्यं नैव चिंतयेत्।
वर्तमानेन कालेन वर्तयंति विचक्षणाः॥
gatey shoko na kartavyo bhavishyam nai-va chintye-`t
vartamaanena kaalena vartayanti vichak-shanaah
Meaning “One should not regret the past; one should not worry about the future. Wise men act by the present time.”
A very famous quote by Buddha treads the very same path – “Do not dwell in the past, do not dream of the future, concentrate the mind on the present moment.”
Numerous other wizened men and women have all referred this, the quintessential being to Live in the Now, not the then nor the when…what then are the past and the future are for? These are thoughts that have been plaguing my mind, why then should they exist and if they do so why then are we so obsessed with it. The human mind as I have come to understand of my own self, is like a logical device – always comparing, always distinguishing, toiling to differentiate and trying to arrive at a logical conclusion, as it is logic that has been so deeply ingrained into us.
Some very common lines that we create and repeat – “Oh! I should have done this the other way!” or “What should I do about this in the future?
What we are essentially doing here is letting go of the now by looking at our past actions and pondering over our future. The end result of this being recalling about how valuable time was lost in the past thinking about it; this becomes an endless chain eating into our lives and slowly draining the joy from it. Life becomes a grinding misery upon continuous cycles of past-future thought.
Slowly but steadily I am trying to reduce this but will take sometime as it is a characteristic that we a re supposedly born with; it is left for us to decide whether we look into the rear view mirror of life and squirm about it or live in the now and enjoy it!
